Complete Planning Guide
How to Elope: A Complete 10-Step Guide (From a Father Who's Seen It Both Ways)
A step-by-step elopement guide written from two perspectives — the couple planning their intimate ceremony, and the parent learning to embrace a wedding that looks nothing like they imagined. From Larry Leo, whose two daughters eloped.
Larry Leo
Updated April 2026
Editorially Independent
Affiliate links never influence recommendations
Expert-Written
Written by a father of two eloped daughters
Regularly Updated
Last reviewed: April 2026
- 1.Step 01: Decide What Kind of Elopement You Want
- 2.Step 02: Choose Your Destination
- 3.Step 03: Research Legal Requirements
- 4.Step 04: Book Your Photographer First
- 5.Step 05: Secure Your Permits
- 6.Step 06: Choose Your Additional Vendors
- 7.Step 07: Plan Your Attire
- 8.Step 08: Write Your Vows
- 9.Step 09: Tell Your Family
- 10.Step 10: Handle the Legal Steps After
Most elopement guides are written for one audience: the couple. They walk you through venues, vendors, and vows — and they do it well. But they leave out an entire dimension of the elopement experience: the family navigating it alongside them.
This guide is different. I've written it from two perspectives simultaneously — because I've lived both. As the father of two daughters who eloped (one because COVID cancelled her entire wedding, one by deliberate choice), I've experienced elopement planning from the outside in. And as the founder of this resource, I've spent years studying what makes elopements succeed — for the couple and for the family.
Each of the 10 steps below includes guidance for the couple and a note for parents — because the best elopements are ones where everyone involved feels informed, respected, and ultimately, joyful.
How to Use This Guide
Each step includes a For the Couple section with practical planning advice, a For Parents section with guidance on how to support without overstepping, and a Larry's Note with a personal observation from my own experience. Use what's relevant to you and skip what isn't.
Elopement Planning Timeline at a Glance
| Timeframe | What to Do |
|---|---|
| 12+ months out | Book photographer, apply for National Park permits, research international legal requirements |
| 6–9 months out | Secure venue/location, book officiant and key vendors, order attire |
| 3–6 months out | Apply for marriage license (check waiting periods), finalize vendors, book travel and accommodation |
| 1–3 months out | Tell family, write vows, finalize all logistics, confirm all bookings |
| 1–2 weeks out | Pick up marriage license, confirm all vendors, prepare a day-of timeline |
| Day of | Breathe. Be present. Let the day unfold. |
| Within 30 days after | File marriage license, order certified copies, begin name change process if applicable |
The 10 Steps
Decide What Kind of Elopement You Want
Define your vision: just the two of you, a few witnesses, or a micro-ceremony with close family. Choose between a destination elopement, a local courthouse, or a private outdoor ceremony. This single decision shapes every other choice.
Key Action Items
If your child is in this stage, the most helpful thing you can do is ask open questions — not suggest alternatives. "What are you imagining?" is a better question than "Have you considered a small wedding instead?"
Larry's Note
My oldest daughter knew immediately: just the two of them, outdoors, golden hour. My second daughter wanted a courthouse ceremony followed by a private dinner. Both were right for who they are. There's no wrong answer here.
Choose Your Destination
Your location determines your permit requirements, vendor availability, legal requirements, and total cost. Research 3–5 options before committing. Consider season, weather, permit difficulty, and whether vendors you love are available there.
Key Action Items
If they're choosing a destination far from home, resist the urge to suggest something closer. The location often carries deep personal meaning — a place they've dreamed about, traveled to together, or simply love. Trust the choice.
Larry's Note
My first daughter chose a private field at golden hour — no permit required, no crowds, just light. Sometimes the most beautiful locations are the simplest ones.
Research Legal Requirements
Every state and country has different marriage license requirements. Get this wrong and your elopement isn't legally binding. Research requirements for the specific county or jurisdiction where you'll be married — not just the state.
Key Action Items
This is one area where your practical support is genuinely valuable. Offer to help research the specific county clerk requirements, waiting periods, and document needs. This is concrete, helpful, and non-intrusive.
Larry's Note
This is the step most couples underestimate. My second daughter almost missed a 72-hour waiting period requirement. Always verify with the actual county clerk's office — not just a website.
Book Your Photographer First
If you do nothing else, book a photographer. Elopement photos are the only tangible record of your day — they're what you'll share with family, display in your home, and look at for the rest of your lives. A great elopement photographer is worth more than any other vendor.
Key Action Items
When the photos arrive, look at them with open eyes. Not the venue, not the guest list, not what's missing. Look at their faces. That joy is real. I've seen both of my daughters' elopement photos, and they are among the most beautiful photographs I've ever seen.
Larry's Note
The photos from my oldest daughter's COVID elopement are extraordinary. Just the two of them, in a field, completely absorbed in each other. No distraction. No performance. Pure emotion. That's what a great elopement photographer captures.
Secure Your Permits
If you're eloping in a National Park, state park, or on public land, you almost certainly need a permit. These are not optional — getting married without one can result in fines and having your ceremony shut down mid-vows.
Key Action Items
Permit research is another area where a practical parent can genuinely help. Offer to look up the specific permit requirements for their chosen location. It's useful, it's non-intrusive, and it shows you're engaged in making their day successful.
Larry's Note
Permits are the unsexy part of elopement planning that nobody talks about until it's too late. Start this earlier than you think you need to.
Choose Your Additional Vendors
Beyond the photographer, decide which vendors matter to you. An officiant is legally required. Everything else — florist, hair and makeup, videographer, musician — is optional. Choose based on your priorities and budget, not on what a traditional wedding would include.
Key Action Items
If you've offered a financial contribution, this is a good time to ask how you can help. Covering the cost of a florist, the officiant, or the hair and makeup artist is a meaningful, specific gift that enhances their day without overriding their choices.
Larry's Note
My second daughter skipped the florist and did a simple wildflower bouquet she picked herself. It was perfect for who she is. Don't let anyone tell you what you "need" — only you know what matters to your day.
Plan Your Attire
Elopement attire is entirely up to you. Some couples wear full wedding gowns and suits. Others wear hiking boots and flannels. The only rule is that you should feel like yourself — and that your attire works for your location and season.
Key Action Items
Resist offering to buy the dress or suit unless explicitly asked. Many eloping couples have already made their attire choices, and an unsolicited offer can feel like pressure to conform to traditional expectations. If they ask for help, offer enthusiastically.
Larry's Note
Both of my daughters wore exactly what felt right for them. One wore a full gown. The other wore a simple white sundress. Both looked breathtaking. The dress doesn't make the wedding — the love does.
Write Your Vows
Personal vows are one of the greatest gifts of an elopement. Without 150 guests watching, you can say exactly what you mean — without performance anxiety, without worrying about making people cry, without editing for an audience. Write from the heart.
Key Action Items
If you're invited to write a letter for them to read on their wedding day, take it seriously. This is one of the most meaningful things a parent can do. Write about who they are, what you've watched them become, and what you wish for their marriage. They will keep this letter forever.
Larry's Note
I wrote letters for both of my daughters to read on their wedding days. I still have copies. If you're a parent reading this and your child is eloping — write the letter. You will not regret it.
Tell Your Family
Deciding when and how to tell family is one of the most emotionally complex parts of eloping. There's no universally right answer. Some couples tell everyone in advance. Some tell parents only. Some tell no one until after. Each approach has tradeoffs.
Key Action Items
If they tell you in advance: lead with support. If they tell you after: lead with congratulations. The timing of the announcement is their decision to make. Your job is to respond with love regardless of when you find out.
Larry's Note
Both of my daughters told me in advance. I'm grateful for that — it gave me time to process my feelings privately, so that when I spoke to them, I could lead with love. If you're a parent who found out after: the timing doesn't change the love. Respond to the marriage, not the announcement.
Handle the Legal Steps After
Getting married is just the beginning of the legal paperwork. After the ceremony, you'll need to file your marriage license, update your name (if applicable), update beneficiaries, and notify relevant institutions. Don't let the administrative tasks pile up.
Key Action Items
This is another area where practical parental help is genuinely welcome. Offer to help research the specific post-ceremony steps for their state. A simple checklist of "things to do after you're married" is a thoughtful, useful gift.
Larry's Note
The paperwork is the least romantic part of getting married — but it's important. My daughters both appreciated having a clear checklist of what to do after the ceremony. Consider making this part of your gift to them.
What Does an Elopement Cost? A Quick Overview
One of the most common questions couples and parents ask is: how much does an elopement actually cost? The range is enormous — from a $159 courthouse ceremony to a $15,000 Tuscany villa package. Here's a realistic breakdown for a mid-range elopement:
| Item | Budget | Mid-Range | Luxury |
|---|---|---|---|
| Photographer | $800 | $2,000 | $4,500+ |
| Officiant | $150 | $300 | $500 |
| Marriage License | $30–$100 | $30–$100 | $30–$100 |
| Permits | $0–$50 | $50–$200 | $200–$500 |
| Florals | $0–$100 | $300 | $800+ |
| Hair & Makeup | $0 | $350 | $600+ |
| Travel & Lodging | $200–$500 | $500–$1,500 | $2,000–$5,000+ |
| Attire | $200–$500 | $500–$1,500 | $2,000–$8,000+ |
| Total Estimate | $1,400–$2,000 | $4,000–$6,000 | $10,000–$20,000+ |
How to Handle Family Reactions to Your Elopement
Of all the questions I receive from couples planning to elope, the most common — by a wide margin — is not about venues, permits, or photographers. It's this: "How do we tell our family?" And close behind it: "What do we do if they don't take it well?"
I'm going to answer those questions honestly, and from a perspective most elopement guides can't offer: I've been the family member on the receiving end of that news. Twice. And I've also spent years hearing from hundreds of couples and parents navigating the same conversation. Here's what actually works.
The 5 Types of Family Reactions — and How to Navigate Each
The Supportive Parent
They say "I'm so happy for you" and mean it immediately. These parents either eloped themselves, have watched friends' children elope, or simply prioritize their child's happiness above their own expectations.
How to Handle It
Lean into their support. Invite them to be part of the planning in whatever way feels right — sharing venue photos, helping choose an outfit, planning the post-elopement celebration. Their enthusiasm is a gift. Use it.
Larry's Note
Both of my daughters had this from me — eventually. The key word is 'eventually.' Give parents a moment to process before you measure their reaction.
The Quietly Hurt Parent
They say "That's wonderful, I'm happy for you" but something in their voice is off. They're not angry — they're quietly grieving the wedding they imagined. This is the most common reaction, and it's completely normal.
How to Handle It
Acknowledge it directly. Say: "I know this might not be what you imagined, and I want you to know your feelings matter to me." Then give them something to look forward to — a post-elopement dinner, a celebration party, a role in the announcement. Action helps more than reassurance.
Larry's Note
This was me, briefly, with my first daughter. What helped most was her calling me the day after to describe every detail of the ceremony. I felt included retroactively. It mattered enormously.
The Openly Upset Parent
They express disappointment, hurt, or even anger directly. They may say things like "How could you do this without us?" This is painful to receive, but it comes from love — even when it doesn't feel that way.
How to Handle It
Don't defend or argue in the moment. Say: "I understand you're hurt, and I love you. I'd love to talk more when you're ready." Then give them 24–48 hours. Follow up with a handwritten note or a phone call — not a text. Plan a meaningful post-elopement celebration and make them the guests of honor.
Larry's Note
I've heard from many parents in this category. Almost all of them, within a few weeks, shifted to full support once they saw the wedding photos and felt included in the celebration. The initial reaction is rarely the final one.
The Boundary-Setting Relative
A grandparent, aunt, uncle, or sibling who takes the news personally. "What will people think?" This is less about your marriage and more about social expectations and family dynamics.
How to Handle It
You are not responsible for managing extended family members' feelings about your marriage. Let your parents handle their own families. A brief, warm announcement to extended family — sent after the elopement — is sufficient. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
Larry's Note
This is where I tell couples: protect your peace. You're getting married. That's a beautiful thing. Anyone who can't find joy in that is working through something that has nothing to do with you.
The Parent Who Comes Around Slowly
They're not openly upset, but they're not fully there yet. They change the subject when the elopement comes up. They need more time than you expected.
How to Handle It
Be patient and keep showing up. Share photos. Include them in post-elopement plans. Don't force the conversation, but don't avoid it either. Most parents in this category fully come around within 3–6 months — especially after they see how happy you are.
Larry's Note
Time and photos. I've never seen a parent who remained distant after seeing beautiful elopement photos and attending a post-celebration dinner. Give them something to celebrate and they will celebrate.
Scripts for the Conversation: What to Actually Say
The hardest part of telling family isn't the decision — it's finding the words. Here are real scripts for the most common scenarios.
Telling parents before the elopement
"Mom, Dad — we've decided to elope. We wanted you to be the first to know because you matter to us more than anyone. We're not doing this to exclude you — we're doing it because it feels most like us. We'd love to celebrate with you after — and we want your blessing."
Telling parents after the elopement
"We have the most wonderful news — we got married! We eloped on [date] at [location], and it was the most beautiful, intimate moment of our lives. We can't wait to share photos with you and celebrate together. We love you so much and we're so happy."
Responding to an upset parent
"I hear you, and I understand this isn't what you imagined. Your feelings matter to me. I made this choice because it was right for us, and I hope over time you'll see how right it was. I love you, and I want to celebrate with you — can we plan something together?"
Handling the 'What will people think?' relative
"I understand that feels important to you. For us, what matters most is that we're married and happy — and we are. We'd love for you to celebrate with us. If you're not ready for that yet, we understand, and we'll be here when you are."
The Post-Elopement Celebration: The Single Best Thing You Can Do for Family
If there is one piece of advice I give every couple who asks about family reactions, it is this: plan a post-elopement celebration. Not because you owe it to anyone. But because it gives the people who love you a moment to celebrate you — and that moment heals almost everything.
Intimate Family Dinner
Reserve a private room at a meaningful restaurant. Share photos, tell the story, toast together.
$200–$800Backyard Celebration
Casual gathering with close family and friends. Show the wedding photos. Dance. Often the most joyful option.
$300–$1,500Weekend Getaway
Rent a house or book a resort block for close family. A long weekend together creates lasting memories.
$1,000–$5,000Destination Celebration
If you eloped abroad, host a celebration recreating the setting at home with photos and local cuisine.
$500–$3,0005 Mistakes to Avoid When Eloping
01. Underestimating permit lead times
National Park permits for popular locations (Yosemite, Rocky Mountain, Glacier) can require 6–12 months of lead time. This is the most common planning mistake I see. Start earlier than you think you need to.
02. Skipping the photographer to save money
The photographer is the one vendor you should never cut. Everything else about your elopement will fade in memory. The photos are forever. Budget for a quality photographer before anything else.
03. Not verifying the marriage license requirements for the specific county
State-level requirements are a starting point, not the full picture. Marriage licenses are issued by counties, and requirements vary. Always call the specific county clerk's office where you'll be married.
04. Telling family too late (or not at all) and creating lasting hurt
You don't owe anyone an invitation to your wedding. But you do owe the people who love you a timely, joyful announcement. Telling family after the fact is fine — but telling them months later, or letting them find out through social media, creates unnecessary hurt.
05. Forgetting the post-ceremony legal steps
The marriage license needs to be filed. The name change process needs to start. Beneficiaries need to be updated. Many couples are so focused on the day itself that the administrative aftermath piles up. Build a checklist and tackle it within 30 days.
A Final Word — From a Father
I built this resource because when my daughters eloped, almost nothing existed for families trying to understand and support the process. Every guide was written for the couple. Nothing was written for the parent sitting with complicated feelings, trying to figure out how to show up well.
What I've learned, after watching two daughters elope in two very different circumstances, is this: the form a wedding takes matters far less than the love at the center of it. My oldest daughter's COVID elopement was the most emotionally pure wedding I've ever witnessed. My second daughter's intentional elopement was the most financially wise decision she could have made.
Both of them are happy. Both of them are loved. Both of them made the right choice for their lives.
If you're a couple reading this: trust your instincts. The wedding that feels most like you is the right wedding. If you're a parent reading this: your child is getting married. That is a beautiful thing. Say "I support you" first. Everything else can come after.
Found this guide helpful? Share it.
If you know a couple planning to elope — or a parent trying to understand what their child is going through — this guide was written for both of them.
Larry Leo
Father of Two Eloped Daughters · Founder, Elopement Packages Blog
Larry Leo built this resource after watching two daughters elope — one because COVID cancelled her entire wedding, one by deliberate choice. He's spent years researching elopement packages, venues, and planning resources so families and couples have the honest, practical information he wished existed when his own daughters were planning.